Pittsburgh, PA – Ever wanted to attend a security conference, but you don’t have the time and money to jet over to Las Vegas? One fraternity at a Pittsburgh-area school is helping to pay off their tuition by selling tickets to DEFCON Experience, the world’s first full-sensory conference simulation.

“It just was like, a totally natural thing,” said Joel Conrad, President of the Zeta Xi Omega fraternity. “When I realized that people were paying upwards of $300 per ticket to drink beer and stand in a packed room with a bunch of bros, I’m like, dude, why don’t we just make a conference ourselves? We’ve got the infrastructure already in place!”

For a little over 50 dollars, members of the public can purchase a ticket to DEFCON experience, which includes admission, two Natural Lights, a slice of Little Caesar’s pizza, and the ability to watch conference talks on the community flat screen.

“For a college student, this is the best of both worlds,” says Mark Williams, a rising senior at nearby Carnegie Mellon University. “Rather than having to add to my crushing student loan debt, I can meet the same people I follow online but still take in the sights, smells, and sounds of the true conference experience.”

To others, Little Caesar is no replacement for Caesar’s Palace. “Yeah, I’ll probably end up just going to Las Vegas next time,” said John Bantam, another attendee. “In the desert you get higher temperatures, but the sweat doesn’t linger as badly. In Pittsburgh, you really have to watch out for the humidity. I get that it’s part of the whole experience, but to top it all off, the DJ was just some random kid playing hits from his Soundcloud. He didn’t play any songs that featured nerdy and relatable topics about hacking all the things.”

Despite the criticism, Zeta Xi Omega plans on operating the simulator indefinitely – or at least until the Dean finds out.

Editors Note: This is a satirical article.

Main Image Credit : The awesome piece of artwork used to head this article is called 'Defcon Propaganda' and it was created by graphic designer Roberto Orozco.